NoteWorthy and the author do not give hotel seminars nor over-sell the discounted note business. This article is written as satire.
I think I’ve finally figured it out. Instead of charging only $695 for our discounted note classes, I’m going to charge $5,995! Here’s what I’m going to do. First, I am going to get several hundred people to come to a hotel “seminar“ to hear me discuss the wonders of the note business and maybe buy some books and tapes. Once there, I will get them to sign up for my class at my new higher price. I have all the steps worked out. Let me know what you think.
Come To a “Seminar“
To get people to come to my hotel seminar, I will only charge them $25. People feel they must pay something to receive something of value. To get them to come, I will use current buzz words and I will promise them: “financial independence,“ “a home based business,“ “$4,793 in one hour,“ “a once in a lifetime opportunity,“ “make $100,000 a year, part time,“ “work only a few hours a week,“ “learn to take charge of your financial destiny.“ I can think of many more slogans to get people to pay $25 to hear me speak. Since I expect an audience of over 100 people, I will plan my presentation very carefully. My success will be measured by how much money I collect that evening.
First, I would have to get a $2,000 suit. My old suit might give the wrong impression. I’d have to rent some jewelry: a Rolex watch and a not-too-ostentatious diamond ring. Second, as preparation for my presentation, I’ll spend some time watching the more outlandish evangelical preachers on television to get ideas on how to perform in front of a large group.
My Presentation
I will have someone introduce me as “…the number one leader in the free world of the discounted note business.“ He would point out that I publish the world’s most incredible note newsletter with the most loyal and successful readers. He would point out I have a portfolio of millions of dollars of notes all earning obscene yields. He will say that my ability to make a huge income on notes is surpassed only by my ability to teach my “exclusive method“ for starting a note business. He will then tell the audience that I am one of the few people in the world who really has the “secret“ to “incredible profits“ in this business. Then, after insulting the other “paper gurus“ who are only in the seminar business for money, he will introduce me and encourage the audience to give me “a big round of applause.“
Before going on I will jump up and down back stage to increase my energy level. I will work to transfer that energy to the audience. I will come down the middle row from the rear of the audience to the stage, and if I have the chutzpah, I will be waving my arms to encourage the applause. My presentation will be entirely positive. I will not give too many “facts“ about the note business or, heaven forbid, actually teach something. Teaching facts may confuse the audience and they won’t sign up for my $6,995 class or buy my books and tapes. I will talk about how rich I am, and will casually show my rented Rolex and diamond ring.
I will point out that a Gallup Poll showed that 80% of the working population hate their jobs and will then ask how many people hate their jobs. (Audience participation is important.) I will ask how many people could use an extra $4,000 per month. I will then scare the audience by telling them they simply must do something about their retirement. I will frighten them about the future of their social security checks and the uncertainty of their company’s pension fund. I will then explain how the note business is the “best way“ to insure their future and build for a secure retirement. Next, I’ll use my cleverest ploy and tell them, “This is not a ‘get rich quick scheme,’ but if you can walk and chew gum you can do it!“ I’m sure no one will recognize the inconsistency.
Testimonials
I need testimonials about the incredible profits others have made in the note business. This is always difficult because highly successful note brokers are unwilling to advertise their success, and certainly won’t come to my hotel “seminar.“ But there’s a solution: Contact several people who say they are in the note business. Offer them several books and tapes to let me call on them during my presentation to discuss their “experiences“ as note brokers. While I think these volunteers may exaggerate their success, I will never know, and my conscience will be clear. In front of over 100 people, I don’t have to worry about these “volunteers“ saying discouraging things.
Hire Closers
With the enthusiastic audience now scared about their future, excited about the “best business“ for the “new millennium“ and ready to spend “just a few thousand dollars“ to insure their future financial independence, we are ready to end the meeting. I will hire some “closers“ to sit in the back of the room to “help“ people sign up before they leave. These “closers“ will get a percentage from each $6,995 sale they make.
Finally, as a seminar instructor, I have a choice: Should I spend my money on improving the quality of my classes? Or should I spend my money on fancy book covers, high powered brochures and more advertising for my $6,995 class? Let me know what you think.
This is satire by NoteWorthy Publisher: Jon Richards
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